Spanking is Good?
I'm not one of those mothers who believes all the new age junk, that time outs and positive only parenting is the way to go. To be honest I believe this leads to a huge let down for children when they enter the real world, which is full of huge let downs. It's really a balance in my opinion. Children need to learn early that there are disappointments in life, that you take them and deal with them properly. They have to learn that they can't have everything, nor are they due everything and have to work hard to get it (something which I think is severely lacking in our current generation of teenagers). And they have to learn that there are consequences to behavior, good and bad, some which may hurt (I think it's especially important to relate dangerous activities with pain because I think some young people don't realize how hazardous their behaviors can be).
A study was released recently which contradicts the studies that say spanking causes kids to be aggressive. First off I've never understood this "spanking makes people aggressive" junk. I was spanked as well as most of the people of my generation (you know before it became taboo) and most of us are not aggressive people. Most of us are productive adults.
This new study says:
The research, by Calvin College psychology professor Marjorie Gunnoe, found that kids smacked before age 6 grew up to be more successful, and that there was not enough evidence to say that smacking harms most kids. But those who were smacked after age 6 were more likely than other kids to have behavioral difficulties, such as getting into fights.
This is actually interesting. I think there is a time to stop spanking, and six doesn't seem unreasonable. There comes a point where spanking does become ineffective. Perhaps as children become older the lessons that go with spanking just don't work the same as they would with a younger child?
A few weeks ago I had to spank Kaylee. She was behaving badly, and no amount of punishment worked. I did everything known to man, except for the spanking. I purposely avoiding spanking, hoping she'd stop after a few days. But her behavior went on for too long and obviously hoping it would go away wasn't working. My last resort was spanking.
I took her into her room and sat her on my lap. Explained what I was doing (that she would be getting 3 spankings on her butt because she gets one for each year she is old), told her why I was doing it (what behavior was bringing on this punishment), what I would like to see from her in the future (basically what was to be learned from this experience), that this was happening because she didn't listen to me and was continuing her bad behavior and that if she didn't want a spanking in the future she'd just not have to behave in the way she had been. I asked her if she understood and she said yes. I asked her to tell me why this was happening and she told me what she had done so at least I knew she knew what behavior had been responsible for the spanking. Then I spanked her, with her clothes on (I don't think bare butt is necessary). She cried a bit, but not much, I gave her a hug and a kiss and that was that.
Oddly enough even though I felt like crap for doing it, it worked. Do I want to do it again? No and I hope that maybe this one experience will be enough that I never will have to do it again. But it actually worked. People say it doesn't or it's short term, but it's been well over two weeks and I've not seen the behavior at all. She doesn't seemed to be scarred in any manner, she's actually behaving a bit better than she was before. I mean she's 3 so her behavior is going to be not good sometimes. But for the most part she's doing really well.
So perhaps, just perhaps, spanking isn't always as harmful as people would like to think? It's important to realize what works for one child may not work for another. I think that's often lost on people, they just assume it works for every child, but not every child is built the same.
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It’s all so random
So today's post is going to just be a mass amount of randomness...
1. So on Sept. 30th we got Brian moved out of the house and turned in the keys with a nice little letter telling the property management company that we aren't idiots and know our rights. It seemed to scare them into doing what they need to do, the house is back on the market at a reasonable rent and I think we'll be getting our security deposit back by the 21st.
2. I went to the doctor today. I was worried about some moles. The doctor said they looked fine and that I shouldn't worry, especially about the smaller ones. So I asked her for some anti-anxiety medication for when I have really bad nights. She gave me something, forgot it's name, and said only take it once in a while, don't use it constantly. I don't like medication anyhow so I'll only use it when I'm having a really bad night. I think maybe just having it available too will make me feel better. You know, knowing you have the ability to go to the drug should you need to.
3. Took Kaylee to see the doctor as well, she had a lump on her back. He said it's just a bruise. LOL! Sometimes I feel so stupid taking her in for small things but Kaylee is not a normal child and the small things might be big things for her. He says she's fine and not to worry. But I know he understands why I worry, I mean she has a chronic illness that we deal with everyday. How can I not worry.
4. The doctor asked me if I knew the trigger of my anxiety. I said, yeah my daughter has a chronic illness and I'm going through a divorce. She was like, yeah that will do it.
5. I wonder how I'm going to broach the subject of the divorce with Kaylee's doctor's, both her pediatrician and her endocrinologist. None of them ask about home life, so I don't feel it's appropriate to offer up that kind of information. But sometimes when they ask how Kaylee's dad is doing I'm like, fine. I guess it's easier to pretend that he's fine rather than potentially have them feel weird because I said "I don't know, we're divorced."
6. Kaylee's doctor noticed my necklace today and I have to wonder if that partly had to do with the top I'm wearing and it's insanely low cut (I try to get it not to look that way but so far no luck). LOL!!
7. Kaylee fell and hit her head today at school. They say she's fine that she got up and was back at it. But they put ice on it. I can imagine when she gets home it's going to be all she talks about. Hell for weeks, I bet you she'll tell her Endo in two weeks that she fell and hit her head. She can hold onto that kind of thing for weeks.
8. I'm going to set up an echocardiogram for Kaylee here soon. I don't think she needs it but the doctor would feel better if she had it done. Her pediatrician didn't think it was necessary but told me to do it anyhow because obviously her Endo felt it was important. It isn't a complicated test so I'm not worried. I don't even think it's that long.
9. NaNoWriMo starts in Nov. I'm going to write a novel. Not sure about what yet but I'll write something.
10. I have to charge my camera battery. Must remember to charge the battery.
Did some baking…
Made French Bread to go with dinner tonight. It looks pretty good. I can never figure out how to get a soft crust unstead of a hard shell but I know either way is fine. It smelled so good.
Also Kaylee went swimming again today. Sadly the pool was a bit cold because I had to drain it and wash it out and it didn't get a lot of sun time before she wanted to go in.
We went to the doctor and he heard a humming sound in her chest. This can be explained as normal blood flow sound, some people have it, and it's not serious. But to be on the safe side we're increasing her Diuril because her eyes and face have been puffy lately and also because of this humming. Then we'll go see him in six weeks and get some bloodwork done in 4.5 weeks to make sure everything is fine. I am really happy with this doctor. If this had been the doctor at CHLA she wouldn't have even seen anything wrong because she never in the year and a half we saw her did she order a blood test for Kaylee. It's the only way he really could be sure that the humming probably wasn't related to water retention because her blood work was normal. But it doesn't hurt to up the dose a bit and see if that fixes at the very least the puffy issue.
On the Potty Training front things have gone great today. She woke up in the morning dry and went to the bathroom right away. Then we headed out to the doctor and she stayed dry in her undies the entire time. We got home and she ran in to the bathroom and went potty. Then later she told me, "Mommy I have to go to the bathroom!" and ran in and went number two. Then she took a nap and stayed dry the entire time and got up and went potty. She hasn't yet gone to the bathroom since but she typically goes two to three hours between trips to the bathroom.
In local news it was approved that oil drilling can be done in SB again. Good for them. It should bring in some money. Some people are against it because of the environment. These are the same people that vote down taxes. So we have to get it somewhere and oil drilling it is and more power to them. I wish they could legalize Weed as well, not that I use it or think it should be, but frankly if it's no worse than alcohol why not get some money from it?
Tomorrow, Thursday and Friday I'm going to spend my workout pushing it because I have a wedding to go to and although I have no one to really impress by looking good I'd like to drop a few pounds so I can be comfortable with what I'm wearing. I mean it fit me when I was 10lbs heavier so obviously I'm not worried about that, but I don't mind looking a bit smaller in it. I'll have to figure out how to do my hair though. I also have to find the invitation. I wonder if we'll have to pay for parking? Hmmm.
Also seriously President Obama was not wearing "mom jeans" at that game. I'm not sure what people are making a fuss about.
Remember it’s normal…
When Kaylee turned 3 it's like she decided to be ten times worse. Of course I often wonder if in fact this divorce is effecting her more than we think. We try to shield her from it as much as possible but I don't think we're able to fully hide it from her. She knows Daddy lives at a different home and sometimes asks why and we just say because that's where he lives and this is where we are. We try our best not to talk about Daddy in front of her but sometimes we get in arguments in general. This last week or so has been stressful in general with the settlement agreement being hashed out, a hospital visit for Daddy, arguments and also then potty training. So I think that's why she acts out.
It's getting very frustrating though. She's yelling and being defiant and also hitting. Well she's not hitting so much, only when she's pushed to the edge really. So I don't worry about that too much. I'm trying to curb the hitting in general but it's not a huge deal and she doesn't do it to anyone but us when angry.
Anyhow I've found in general that I've not been wanting to really write. I guess I don't see the point anymore. It's not like I have an audience at all, and those who do read regularly I live with now. So what's the point? I mean I can try to gain some readership but I've found the only way to really pull in readers is to have something insane happen that is covered through the blog sphere. I have a rather regular life even if I'm in the middle of getting a divorce. It's not anything people find to be worth reading.
And if I even got the readers why would they want to read another Mommy Blog. Of course I could change the focus of the blog, perhaps focus more on her disorder and getting information out about that. But honestly how much can you write about her disorder. She's a normal child except for the medication she takes three times a day. We don't have a lot of variation in our lives because of the disorder.
By the way I just have to state for a fact that those "I'm a PC" commercials are crap and downright lies sometimes. I mean seriously what the hell, is microsoft/PC people okay with putting out commercials that say MAC users are part of some sort of elite class or that we don't care about performance or how well the computer works? I mean seriously yeah I had the Logic Board fail on this MAC but other than that it's been a dream when it comes to how it runs and works. It's ten times easier to use than a PC and I think it does a hell of a lot more than a PC could do. I guess the commercials bother me because frankly they're huge exaggerations of the norms. But I guess PC is really struggling to compete with MACs so they have to do what they have to do to pull in buyers.
There I wrote about something maybe worth reading about? No? Oh okay.
Oh by the way we have to stop pussifying our children. Seriously sending two 12 year old girls with their siblings ages 8, 7 and 3 to the mall alone is not a criminal offense. People need to step back and look at the situation rationally. It's not dangerous and certainly no one deserved to be arrested over it. We're way too protective these days.
Kaylee – 32 Months Old
- Image by celedreen via Flickr
So as of today Kaylee is 32 Months Old. What's new on the Kaylee front?
She's using her imagination more. Sometimes she plants flowers in her room. Other times she cooks dinner. That's one of her favorite things to do though, either cook dinner or watch me make recipes as she calls it. She also likes to drive her car around to different places. It's funny because last Easter we went up to my Grandparents house and her second cousin would drive her around the world. Now Kaylee is doing the same thing. She plays jump rope and loves to pretend to take the cats to the vet.
Kaylee is currently facinated with the cats. She loves to chase them around and tries to pick them up often (which can result in strangling a cat or two). She pets them and plays with them. They love her though. They follow her around or will come in to play with her. They've not had this kind of attention in a long while. She'll call to them, "Here Kitty!" or "Come here boy!" I don't know where she got the come here boy since we don't speak to the cats that way at all.
Kaylee is a talking machine now. She'll talk about anything all the time. It's fun to see her talk with other kids her age which she's finally taken to paying attention to. She'll ask if she's going to see her friends and anytime she sees a kid she says "Oh my friends are here!" even if we don't know who the kid is.
She should start potty training soon. I'm not going to push it because if she isn't ready it's going to be more of a hassel than a nice thing to do. She talks about it a lot and is finally letting me know when she goes potty or poopoo.
So that's about all for the Kaylee update.
Measles on the Rise…
As published in Parents Magazine (Dec. 2008)
Because of fears about autism, more parents are choosing not to vaccinate their kids - with dire consequences. There were 131 reported cases of measles in the U. S. between January and June, the highest number in 12 years, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. More than half of the children who got sick hadn't been vaccinated due to their parents' beliefs. However, study after study has shown that vaccines don't increase a child's autism risk. In fact, doctors are so worried about a potential public-health crisis that 22 medical and advocacy groups recently formed the Immunization Alliance in order to make sure kids get immunized. For the latest on vaccines, go to cdc.gov/vaccines.
First the italicized part. It says more than half weren't vaccinated because of their parents beliefs. Most of the other half weren't vaccinated because they weren't old enough yet (infants) and the other half were those unlucky enough to not have their vaccines work. I think often those who don't vaccinate think, "Well if your child is vaccinated then you don't have to worry." It's illogical and irrational thinking and just plain stupidity and selfishness on the part of those that don't vaccinate. No vaccinations aren't 100%, my child can still get sick. But lets disregard that slim chance and instead look at those who are at risk because your child isn't vaccinated: infants, the elderly and those with immune system issues. Does anyone think about that?
I've always been told I'm extreme when I say it's a public-health problem, not an private individual belief system. It is a public-health problem because it effects not just the family who chooses to not vaccinate. People have to start looking past themselves and look at what their actions do. Take the damn blindfolds off.
I'm glad people are finally recognizing how serious this issue is. Someone said to me, "131 that's not a lot and no one died." Oh that's just wonderful. No one died so it's okay. But when someone does who do we blame then? And 131 is the highest in 12 years. Lets say people continue to not vaccinate and the percentage of those not doing so increases. Then more people will get the measles. So 131 may not be a lot now but in a few years perhaps it will be 1200 or more. What then? When does it become too many? Vaccinations should be mandatory and those who don't do it should have their children taken away from them for neglect. Yes I said it. It's dangerous to not only to their children but to everyone else in the nation.
Oh and "over-loading" your child's immune system with shots is just as uneducated as the "it causes autism" belief. Giving your child a shot causes only .01% of your child's immune system to work and actually it's beneficial because if your child never uses their immune system then it never learns to fight off disease. Actually I had read that your child's immune system is used more just fighting off daily germs that are picked up from your home, the park, and other children. You can't shelter your children from sickness, it's not good for them! Yeah it's damn annoying when your child is sick, but it's what makes them healthy!
