Happy Halloween!

So nothing much is going on worth noting. Nothing I can talk about right now.

I’m feeling ten times better than I ever have though. Not sure why. I think I’ve been getting more sleep. Oh also I’ve put Kaylee in 3 day half days so that’s made me feel a bit better about that and I’m saving money.

Kaylee has been enjoying this Halloween thing. She’s going to be disappointed when it’s over tonight but hey she’s having fun right now. It’s warmed up a bit which is good because it had been pretty darn cold these past few days. This allows us to go out without a jacket tonight.

So anyone willing to give me about 25K or so? LOL! That’s about how much it would run me to get a mobile home (and a decent one at that) here in the area.

My job search has been pretty dry but I think getting one job to apply to a day is pretty good. For a week or two there was nothing at all to apply to. Problem is me and everyone else are applying to the jobs. Even seasonal jobs are getting full fast and I’m not so sure I want to work a seasonal position. I’d like to work something part-time that could turn into something even better.

Tomorrow begins National Write a Novel Month. I’ve already started on mine but will officially begin writing every day starting tomorrow. I have a bunch of ideas for the book. I have to make it flow. I might do several main aspects of it and then fill in the details later.

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Protected: Need to bitch about things…

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Sometimes it feels like somebodies watching me…

Well nothing new is going on really on the home front.

I don’t know if I mentioned it here but I’ve been feeling guilty about putting Kaylee in school full-time 8-3 when I wasn’t working so we agreed that doing three day, half days would be good until I can find a job. So starting in Nov. that’s what we’ll be doing. Not only will it save me money but I don’t feel as bad doing that. Plus I can give her, her medicine and not have to worry about them doing it. This has really helped me a lot.

I’m looking for part-time work right now, hoping to get something that will either let me work nights so I can keep Kaylee in half-days or something that will let me work when Kaylee is in school and when she’s with Brian on the weekend.

The divorce is on hold, for reasons I can’t say right now. We’re going to try to work things out, but I’m not sure it can be done to be honest with you but hey why not try?

I’ve been feeling better, not as tired although near the end of the day I get tired but I just chop that up to allergy medicine wearing off.

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It’s a bit too much…

Everything is just a bit too much for me right now. And I feel like just like going to bed and never getting out. This is all way too complicated, it wasn’t supposed to be this way at all.

I mean seriously I can’t tell you how absolutely guilty I feel about sending Kaylee to school each day and showing up every day to school to see she had a low number and I have no control over it. And I know it’s not that bad, she’s at a good private school and they love her to death but I was supposed to be homeschooling her. And I guess that was just an attempt to hold onto my baby and not let her grow up. I worry about her a lot though and if she’s safe. I guess if she’s in my presence I can have control, I don’t like giving it over.

Then right now what would normally be something we would celebrate has just been nothing but stress and anxiety. And all I want is for it to go away and that makes me feel guilty because you shouldn’t want that at all. And I’m angry that I was so fucking stupid to allow this to happen.

Brian wants to work things out, stay married, be a family again, but how do you get over all that damn anger? And part of me kind of just thinks it would be best to just suck it up and “get over it” and go ahead and make up with him. I don’t know what exactly he expects but I know this entire situation would be a lot easier if we were living together again. And I could still send Kaylee to school but not full-time, just part-time (3 days, half) and maybe even find a job that brings in some extra just to pay for her school when she needs to start Kindergarden.

But I can’t do that because it would piss people off, because I shouldn’t give into what is easiest to do. Although I do wonder about Brian’s stability. Whether or not he will remain on his medications and not do anything insane. I mean I know it can be done, I know people who do it and remain relatively stable for long times. I just don’t see how I can live with it though.

So much to think about and yet nothing that can really be done.

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901 posts…

Can you believe I’ve written 901 posts since I transferred this site over to WordPress, which I think was a little over a year ago. What could I possibly be writing about?!

So there are six of you who read my blog, HI! I feel so special! LOL!

Note to all who read: Do not see Paranormal Activity. It sucks. I need to find a forum where I can talk about how much this movie sucked.

So I might have some news, good or bad, who knows, here in the next few days. We’ll see.

I’m hungry.

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