Vacation Day 5
So a little sleep does a person good. Kaylee slept in the motorhome so that relieved a lot of my anxiety. She will probably sleep in there the rest of the time.
We went to the showers today and that was an interesting experience. The shower rooms were really small but it worked. Kaylee liked shower as well and got a toy for not crying at all. Then we headed to camp and dried Kaylee's hair.
The we all piled into the van and went to Bishop to go to the bank and then Kmart and also the store.
Then it was back to camp for naps. Kaylee wouldn't nap so we got into the van and watch Nemo. But that was too boring so we went to the motorhome and finally she went down for a nap.
Tonight is chicken and rice dinner and then Smores as well.
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Vacation Day 4
Well last night I didn't sleep at all so I think Friday will be our last day here because I don't forsee me sleeping at all this trip because of anxiety.
I should have brought my benadryl but didnt. I don't know really. I am afraid that Kaylee is getting sick and that I am too. It goes from hot to cold in like seconds. Hell it looks like its going to rain as well.
But what did we do today? We drove around and took some pictures. Then everyone napped and then we went fishing.
We will see how tonight goes. If I sleep well I think we will be good until Friday.
Vacation Day 3
So we have no cell signal at all at our camp site so I can't check my email or the internet. No biggie when we head into town I can check and also update if needed.
I decided though to document the rest of the trip using the note function on mu iPhone.
We found some pretty kick ass sites this morning and we had camp set up by 3 pm. Dinner wasn't anything to write home about.
I did though get some great pictures today finally. I also got some moving water photos which I will have to determine if they are good or not next week.
Tomorrow I have no idea what we are doing, maybe going up Mammoth mountain.
All these posts will be posted on the 5th but back dated to the correct day.
Vacation Day 1
Vacation Day 1 was horrible. You may be wondering how I can post because I'm supposed to be camping. Well no where in nearly 60 miles of the Mammoth Lakes area were there camping sites for us to camp in so we're staying two nights in a hotel and hoping that most people will be leaving on Sunday and we'll be able to find something.
The day started off good, we made good time to Mammoth. But then it went downhill. We went to four camp sites and found nothing. Then I blew a tire so right now I'm riding on a spare. Tomorrow I'll get a brand new tire since I punctured a hole in the side wall of the tire, just my luck, because if it had been on the tread I could have had it repaired. Whatever.
Then we drove all over Tom's Cabin and Bishop and found nothing. We visited at least 10 different camp sites and they had nothing. Frankly it sucked. Makes you just want to go home but Kaylee has been so excited about this trip that we can't go home. Hopefully Sunday proves better.
Then I'm worried about money since I'm now buying a freaking new tire. I just hope they deposit my check in on Wednesday and don't put a hold on it. I can't afford a hold on my check.
So that is day one. Tomorrow is new tire, probably just hanging out here in Bishop and breakfast with the folks. Maybe we can get some fishing in.
Cheaters…
I've never understood the concept of cheating on your spouse. It's the ultimate in disrespect to not only yourself but also to your whole family. So when the governor of SC took his trip to South America to visit his girl on the side I found his tearful excuses and half -assed apology to be frankly disgusting and downright hilarious.
To me it seems that his wife had already reached the end of her rope anyhow and kicked him out of the house probably because he's one hell of a liar and didn't end the affair like he had told her he had. I mean during his apology he apologized to his honey on the side, not his wife. I mean seriously does he not see how much he's messed up his family?
But forget all that stuff. He left the state, told no one and disappeared for nearly a week. Seriously does this guy think he'll keep his job? And does anyone there want him to keep his job. You depend on these people to represent you and the state and then one just up and disappears? I don't think so. I'd kick his ass out as soon as possible.
One has to wonder if he has some mental issues though because this whole thought process by him is so screwed up that the only thing that can explain this behavior is some sort of mental illness. Or he's just really stupid. Who knows.
It seems lately you're hearing a lot of things about people cheating and I'm seeing a lot more posts by Mommy Bloggers who are finding out their spouses have been cheating on them and are going through divorce as well and you have to wonder if it's because of a shift to acceptance that men do those things. I think in the past cheating was really looked down upon, at least it wasn't openly admitted to and people were more careful. Now it's just expected that men will do this so you don't see as much criticism of it. Of course no one wants to play moral police on people either. But where men get off acting that way is beyond me.
My Dream…
My dream is to somehow come into a lot of money, either through getting a really good job, or lets say winning the lottery.
I'd then buy a house, nothing huge because frankly I'm to lazy to clean a big house but something big enough that has a large backyard for Kaylee to play in with her friends.
She'd have a huge swing-set like thing in the back, one that she can use for a long time. And maybe a pool. I'm on the fence about a pool. They're dangerous and frankly a lot to keep up so a pool is only if it's there and we can't do anything about it.
So yeah that's my dream. I don't see it happening anytime soon. I mean the best job I could get would pay maybe 35K if that. That's not enough to own jack shit in this city and I don't plan to move away. If it did allow me to own something it'd be a cheap ass town home somewhere. So the best I can hope for, for probably most of Kaylee's childhood is being able to rent a two bedroom apartment and even then I may not be able to afford even that and might have to go with just a one bedroom for a while.
Maybe too I'll have another child. You'd think that wouldn't be on my mind right now but I still wish I had another. I guess it's good that I don't because with two this would be so much more hard but I just wish things were different of course. LOL!
Oh well. Too bad so sad.
Jon & Kate Divorce
So today Jon & Kate made it official and the divorce papers have been failed. Of course there are a lot of theories as to why this has happened and so forth. Whatever the reasons I know this has to be a trying time for the children. Sadly even though they are young they're old enough to know what is going on.
I think we're lucky in that Kaylee probably doesn't understand too much nor do I think she'll remember much of this. Hopefully that is.
But I've been reading comments on stories about Jon & Kate and some of them are bothersome at best. I guess it's because I held these beliefs at one time, that anyone can work anything out if they try it. But of course it's not until you're living through something like this that you realize that it's not that easy.
How do you work through multiple instances of being cheated on? How do you trust someone who so easily lied to your face?
Now of course none of the cheating has been confirmed in regards to Jon and if he did I do want to say no matter how bitchy and nasty Kate was, cheating is never an option when you're married. It's disrespectful and plain nasty. I consider cheating emotional abuse at best. I think for Jon & Kate there was a realization that things weren't going well, for me I was blindsided.
And no matter how much I wanted it to work, too much abuse has been done in just under 5 weeks. Now I'm forced to do things I'd never think to do. Worry about issues and diseases I never thought I'd have to think to worry about. I'm no longer able to raise my child as I wanted and have to live with the fact that the person I married turned into someone I'd never want to associate with ever.
Now I understand there are some medical issues which cause his behavior to be this way but those medical issues will never go away and until he starts taking things seriously he'll never be himself again. People often say that men don't change, well mine did. He changed. And whatever illness he has, I hate that it happened. I hate that I didn't know that this was a possibility. I hate that Kaylee is genetically predisposed to not only being an addict but now having some sort of insane mental issues. I just hope that God has dished out enough on her already with her disorder and she gets my brain which seems to be mentally stable.
And that's the thing, people say there is a purpose and yeah I'm sure there is a reason for all of this, but I have to wonder how much we have to be put through. Kaylee has been through a lot in her short lifetime with her illness, and I've not had what I would consider a normal year in God knows how long. I just don't understand how long this struggle and stress is going to last. When do I get a break and finally just get to enjoy life and not worry or be stressed out? I guess though that's unrealistic because that's what you do when your child in particularly has an illness. There is no such thing as not stressing out.
Anyhow hopefully someday I'll figure out the purpose of this all. Hopefully, maybe I'll find someone who loves me and Kaylee, although I don't see it happening at all. Hopefully Kaylee and I will someday live peacefully and happy without much stress or worry.
So I had to post…
With this whole health care business going on these days I've been hearing more and more one of the most disturbing things to come out of this whole issue:
That health care isn't a right.
Frankly that people are so cold hearted and mean it's not even funny. I guess though I shouldn't be surprised. What's more bothersome is people assume that those who need health care the most are just lazy people who aren't trying to better their situation.
I don't understand why people are so darn mean.
Father’s Day…
So around the Internet today and tomorrow you'll see blog posts about Father's Day and people honoring their fathers. I actually read a few today and they were nice. I read somewhere, I can't remember where, that we should all take times to honor our father's.
So here's my father:
In 1996, just after I turned 14, my dad disappeared. Now it's not like he went missing or anything like that, he just decided to check out and no longer wanted contact with my sister and I.
In 2002 my father called me after I think two years or so of me writing him letters. The DA would forward my letters to him because for some reason he paid child support for those two years. Anyhow I must have guilt tripped him into calling me and he finally did. I think it was more to tell me to stop sending the letters because like I said I do a pretty good guilt trip when needed. He contacted me two or three more times after that and then disappeared again.
In 2007 my Grandmother, his mother died, and he didn't show up for the funeral. That says a lot about his character frankly.
So what made my father such an asshole?
Plain and simple, alcohol and drugs.
I've forgiven him for his crap but if say he were to show up tomorrow at our door step I sure wouldn't act like nothing happened and just invite him in. You have to protest yourself from self destructive people and he was one. Who knows what he would be like sober, because he never was ever sober, but you just can't trust someone to be appropriate when so many years they've spent being inappropriate.
So that's my father for Father's Day.
Some would consider him merely a sperm donor which yeah that's technically all he was ever really good for.
So how about a real Father to honor?!
My Step-Dad has been there for us ever since my father left. And that's through all the good times and bad times. He's a great Grandpa too. Kaylee loves him to death. So in the end no one really lost anything in the father area when my father left.
