Quilting Adventures

It’s been a while so I figured I needed to post. I finished Annabelle’s quilt, which there will be a picture of at the end of this post. I also am half way through another quilt that’s a surprise. I have to find some fabric to do a border and backing for it though, but I have a while to finish that quilt. I also started on Kaylee’s Creeper Quilt.

So quilting is going well.

Other than that, school starts soon for Kaylee and that’s exciting. But nothing really fantastic is going on.


Getting Serious

So I’m getting serious with quilting. I purchased a sewing machine of my own (instead of using Kaylee’s). I also purchased a program that will allow me to develop patterns and I can’t wait to put that into use. I intend to make patterns and sell them. I’ll also make patterns into quilts as time allows, but that takes time obviously. I also purchased fabric that will allow me to finish up Annabelle’s quilt and also do Kaylee’s quilt.

This past month or so just has been draining. Not sure why really. Maybe just frustrated with the situation in general. I have to get over it, hopefully quilting will help me do that.

I am going to try to quilt my quilts rather than stitch the ditch. Of course I’d have to find a design. For Annabelle’s quilt that actually will be easy, but for Kaylee’s I’m not sure what to do because it’s a Minecraft quilt.

Oh! I scheduled myself a vacation in the end of August right before Kaylee goes back to school. I have a whole week of stuff planned out. We’re going to like five museums that week. It should be fun.

Lucy & Cali

I don’t know if I ever mentioned the two kittens we got about a month or two ago.

Check them out (click on the picture)!

I have to get out more…

Well maybe. I mean it would be fun to go out with “friends” every once in a while. That would require friends to go out with in the first place, and sadly I lack any.

I was though thinking of just getting out after the kids go to bed, going for a walk or something. For an hour. I even got a free app which looks pretty cool that will track what I’ve done and how long I’ve done it. Summer would be a good time to start because frankly, it’s not as dark as early as winter. Guess I should get up off my ass and do it.

So tomorrow, I have to somehow manage to make a rainbow cake for Annabelle’s birthday on Tuesday. I’ll probably be baking all day because we only have two round pans and I need six rainbow layers. Hopefully it turns out good. I’m going to let the cakes fully cool though this time. I tend to be impatient and try to do things too early and that results in cakes that don’t stand up.

Kaylee has dance recital pictures on Thursday night and because I can’t do her hair without her having a major meltdown I’m going to have my friend and hairstylist to it instead. Seriously it’s a simple bun but I want it to look good for the pictures and I know I won’t have the ability to remain calm trying to do it with Kaylee acting like I’m killing her because I brush her hair.

What’s interesting is I wrote a bunch for my book, and now I’m sitting here thinking I might remove some of it because frankly I just don’t think it was all that realistic. I hate filler and that’s the problem, I was trying to put in filler. But the filler really wasn’t all that great.

Or I might just start over. LOL! Yet another one of those things that I want to do that I just don’t get around to doing.

I’m here, so why not?

Someone posted on a message board asking us what the best part of being divorced was. Other than getting every other weekend “off” not much is great about being divorced. I get it, most people don’t like their ex’s and have very bad divorces, or their marriages were just bad.

I can’t say that my marriage was horrible. There were just things that could not be accepted, that were not things that I was willing to have our kids grow up with. And I don’t know. I don’t know if divorcing me was what Brian needed, perhaps marriage was bad for him, or divorce was just a kick in the ass to make him do what was right, but he’s done what he should have done while we were married.

So to me being divorced really sucks because frankly I think we had a rather good marriage when things weren’t so out of control. I think focus shifted onto Kaylee and that spurred a lot of what happened. You know you have to care about your spouse and while kids are important to focus about, it’s not good when you neglect your spouse.

And I know I was far from perfect. Brian dealt with the stress of having children and in particular a sick child, in a certain way. I think the weight of providing for the kids was heavy on him. I dealt with the stress the only way I knew how, control and planning. Which meant when things didn’t go as I wanted, I could have a temper. Plus I was dealing with anxiety on top of it all.

So I think in the end we didn’t handle having a sick child very well. And that’s really too bad. I think we could have made it if we had just taken the time to really look at what we were doing and how it was affecting us.

But who knows, I might be delusional in it all. I don’t know for sure how Brian really felt about anything. The divorce in the end was in fact my doing. I don’t know if it’s something he feels was needed, we’ve never talked about it. He told me when we first divorced that nothing was my fault, and while it would be lovely to believe that, it’s really hard to believe. I mean frankly I can’t put all the things that went wrong solely on him, no matter how much easier that would be, and doing so would never allow me to understand where I went wrong in this whole thing.

Still though sometimes I get angry. Maybe at the lack of acknowledgement of what happened, the things that were done, what I went through. I don’t even know if he understands that even to this day, if I don’t get a text or call from him I worry that something has gone wrong. I mean seriously every time he has been in serious trouble I’ve dropped everything to help.  Some sort of acknowledgment of that, maybe even a “Sorry I put you through that” would be nice.

There have been two times in my life where I thought I was going to lose someone I loved (like literally die). When Kaylee was in the hospital being diagnosed, and when Brian was in the hospital right before our divorce. He doesn’t remember much of that time, but I sure as hell do. I kind of wish he would acknowledge how traumatic that situation was. How hard it was to walk into the room and see him in a coma, hooked up to all sorts of machines and wires, and have a doctor tell you they don’t know if he would wake up. It was hard, really hard.

Anyhow I think that’s the only thing that really angers me in this whole thing. I don’t care about the things he did, the mistakes he made, I’m only anger over what seems as a lack of realization about how that effected me. Everything has been about him for so long. Always worrying about him. Making sure he’s okay, so that he will be around. I often wonder when someone will actually care about me as well. I really wish I could just stop caring.

Well it looks like spell check is not working, there are words I spelled two different ways and apparently are both right, so you’ll have to just suck it up and deal with my spelling errors. Hey I’ve never been known for being a great speller.

For those who know me in real life, I write because I don’t like to talk. So don’t try to talk to me about this. LOL!

Projects to be done

I have a few projects I’m working on here in the next few months.

First is a quilt for Annabelle, pattern so accurately named, Anabel as well. She’s excited. Technically it’s a Christmas gift but she has seen me working on it. She’s 4, anything that she hasn’t seen before will be beautiful and wonderful.

Then I have to make the teacher gift for Annabelle’s teacher. I have a pattern and hopefully enough fabric for it. We’ll see.

Then for Kaylee for Christmas I’m making a Creeper quilt from Minecraft. Took a few ideas from Pinterest and mashed them into my own pattern for it. I’m telling you the most hard work for this quilt was figuring out how much fabric I needed.

So although my birthday isn’t close, I realized recently that I’m going to be 32 this year. You know I seemed to think I’d be doing a whole lot more, having a bit more fun, than I currently am. But it is what it is. I have to get out of my funk of self loathing and dislike of how things are. I imagine if I changed the way I thought about things, life would be a whole lot more fun.

So you know I was sick from like January to April of this year. Had Asthma induced by a cold/sinus infection. I’ve been on a medication for that Asthma ever since. If I don’t take it for more than two days my Asthma acts back up. So the question then becomes, do I keep taking the med until it’s out and see if by that time (which should be end of July) the Asthma is completely gone or is this a new normal, where I now have asthma. I’ll for sure have to go back to the doctor about this if it doesn’t completely go away.

Maybe I’ll start writing in this blog again. LOL! How many times have I said that and not done it? Like I said before I don’t feel I can be honest anymore so I just choose not to write. But maybe it’s time to throw some honesty out there? Eh, probably not. LOL!


Another Year Has Passed

Today Kaylee turned 8 years old. Which means I have to update this site I believe. She’s a great little girl, who’s not so little anymore.

She loves to read. She’s great at school. She’s doing well in ballet. She’s just overall a cool little kid.

In the past nearly 6 years we’ve not once upped her dose for her medication which means in fact she’s taking less meds per body mass. So she’s outgrowing her disorder, slowly.

Kaylee completes the 2nd grade next week with nearly A’s in all her studies. She writes sloppy and is shy reading out loud so she’s getting “B’s” in that but whatever.

She got a guitar for her birthday which she will be doing lessons for.

She also got a cat, named Cali. Annabelle got one named Lucy.

On another note although I’ve renewed this blog for another year I just don’t know what to do with it. I really got to get back into some of my hobbies. I enjoy writing, but I don’t feel I can write what I want. I need to get back to doing photography. Also I have to get on my quilting.

Actually I’m excited for that. For Christmas I’m making Kaylee a Creeper quilt. I’m making Annabelle a quilt that comes from a pattern named Anabel (not sure why anyone would spell that name that way). Now I just need to sit down and work on it.

But first, this weekend, besides a birthday party, I have to finish the teachers gift.

No more Disneyland…

It seems that Disney has decided that residents of Southern California aren’t worth marketing towards anymore and that they’re focusing on the tourists instead. I imagine the income tourists brings in is obviously more than those of us who live in SoCal but it’s insane now because they’ve effectively priced us out.

It’s now $96 dollars for an adult to get into the park and $90 for a child. You know the average SoCal resident probably doesn’t have nearly $400 (for a family of 4) to just get into the park. They’ve also raised the price of parking.

So it seems that Disneyland wants to keep the SoCal residents out of the park. Just focus on the fools who would spend thousands to vacation in SoCal and hit up Disneyland during that time.

It’s very sad really.

By contrast, Legoland costs $76 per adult and $66 for a child, which to me is still pretty damn steep. Universal Studios frankly is insane too with normal admission being $92 for an adult and $84 for a child. Knotts Berry Farms is $42 for an adult and $32 for a child. Seems that Knotts might be the place to go. But lets move a little more south. The San Diego Zoo Safari Park (Wild Animal Park) is $46 for adults and $36 for adults. Heck if you want a two pass ticket package ($86 per adult and $64 for a child) you can go to both the Safari Park and the Zoo for less than Disneyland. Sea World is $64 for both adult and child (but they have a crap ton of discounts offered probably in an effort to combat that Black Fish documentary and draw people in).

So why, in anyone’s right might, would they go to Disneyland anymore? Plus think about it, the crowds are far less at the other places (except Universal and I wouldn’t go there anyhow).

So for this family, until Disney drastically reduces it’s prices, we won’t be going back.

You sure you want that?

Today I went to pick up Kaylee’s meds from the pharmacy and I’m sure the clerk was just being funny and trying to be nice but she really rubbed me the wrong way.

I was there to pick up two prescriptions for Kaylee. The clerk only brought one and I said, “There should be another one.”

She looked at me with a confused look and said, “Are you sure you want that one?”

I was like, “Yeah my kid needs it to live.”

She said, “It’s so much money!”

I replied, “Yeah you should see how much it is when it’s not covered under insurance.”

I mean seriously what kind of question is that? I don’t go to the pharmacy to pick up meds for no good reason. And who the hell cares how much it is. I know the price, just give me the damn meds.

Then she asked me what the medication was for and I explained that Kaylee produces too much Insulin so this med stops the pancreas from producing Insulin. She says, “Oh so it’s diabetes.”

No if it was freaking Diabetes I would have said it was Diabetes.

Anyhow I’m pretty sure she was just trying to be funny and what not but frankly it was annoying. Plus she was slow.