Insert clever title here, I’m not in the mood to think of one…

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There used to be a time when I couldn’t spell worth anything. I depended heavily on spell check. I still boast about my lack of spelling ability but lately I’ve been writing and no read lines have been popping up. Either I’m really great at spelling now, or spell checker isn’t working.

When I was a kid I was blind and no one knew it. This is part of the reason I got Kaylee’s eyes checked so early and I will probably have Annabelle’s eyes checked this summer as well. But no one knew I was not seeing things. I didn’t even know. So I sucked at almost everything in school all because I couldn’t see. Once I got glasses things turned around.

But it wasn’t until I started reading that things really started to improve. In sixth grade I found Star Trek books and I became obsessed with reading them. I also became obsessed with Star Trek. But I was reading  two to three books a week, well into high school. And my vocabulary and spelling abilities became better. Then after high school I started blogging and I’ve been doing so since 2000. 13 long years. But in doing so I feel my spelling abilities have become even more better.

Whether I can construct a coherent sentence is a whole other thing!

In other news I somehow managed to lose Annabelle’s blanket and I have no idea how or where. I mean it never left the car. It may have fallen out of the car at daycare but you’d think that anyone that may have found it would have went, “Hey a daycare is here, I wonder if someone lost their blanket?” and then taken it to the door for the daycare. And if that happened, perhaps the daycare would have called me to let me know, seeing as it has Annabelle’s name in large letters across the front of it, so it’s not hard to figure out who’s it is. So I doubt it’s at daycare.

I do have the material to make a new one, I’ve had it for a while. But frankly when do I have the time to sit down and actually do it?

I Am TIRED!

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I don’t know if I’m fighting off a sickness or just lacking in the sleep area but I am tired. I do know I need a vacation but I can’t take one because I have to save all my time for the end of the year. Plus what the hell would I do for a vacation anyhow?

Kaylee is sick again. Sinus infection which is odd because typically these infections come after a cold and she didn’t have a cold at all. Just woke up with a fever. I don’t know if she’ll go to school tomorrow, we’ll see.

Other than that nothing much is going on. Didn’t do much over the weekend that I remember. Had a birthday party and then a playdate for Kaylee, which went well I might add. I just need to get her back to school as soon as possible.

Something Odd…

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So recently I was discussing with someone divorce and that someone said something that a lot of people say but I don’t think they really understand what they are saying when they say it. She said, “I’d work through my problems with my husband, because I take my vows very seriously.”

Can you imagine what that statement implies to those who are divorced?

That we didn’t try? That we didn’t take our vows seriously? That the issues in our marriages were even able to be fixed?

But when people say that I often don’t think that’s what they mean. They just mean that they’d work hard and can’t imagine what if anything would cause them to go towards divorce.

But then sadly it leaves us divorced people feeling the need to defend our decisions. In my case I often just let it go. What happened between Brian and I is just that between Brian and I and believe me the reasons are damn good. But they aren’t mine to tell.

Then when you say you’re a single mother you almost feel like you have to justify it and state that your kids are the result of a marriage and one father. I mean how screwed up is that? That we have to justify our kids.

Up until literally the week that I decided I was divorcing for sure, I had friends. Lots of them. That week most dropped off the map. Why? I still don’t know to this day. And that doesn’t so much bother me but rather that same week that I decided that divorce was happening, Annabelle also went into the hospital for three days. That I know of, no one ever mentioned her being in the hospital, no one asked how she was doing, no one even seemed to care. No Facebook messages, no emails, no phone calls. And I will tell you, that hurt more than anything. It was a huge wake up call to be honest.

I mean I know I’m not the most sociable person in the world. But I had managed, or so I thought, to make friends. And I thought friends actually cared. But once again that wasn’t the case and I was apparently giving friendship over to people who were just tolerating me.

While going through the divorce process it was actually people I thought really disliked me that came to the plate and stepped up. How funny in general what we perceive to be so when it isn’t.

A lot of people talk about these things though, that it’s happened to them. And often I do think friends grow away from each other as they enter different times in their lives. But it is rather surprising how many divorcees feel abandoned by friends after a divorce. Like they have some sort of sickness or contiguous disease that will spread if associated with.

Anyhow that was today’s thought and with that I will not investigate getting a version of a program I need that will actually work on my computer.

We’re back up and running…

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If you visited my site yesterday it probably gave you an error about not being available. My hosting service is having a hard time dealing with a large scale attack on WordPress accounts. At first I thought maybe I’d just switch from WordPress but the problem wasn’t having a WordPress site, it was the servers were down so I’m not switching. I did put into place and will continue to put into place some protections that will prevent these attacks from happening to my site though.

Otherwise that was hopefully corrected yesterday and we’re back up and running today.

Things will go your way…

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I was supposed to be writing a script. I actually have two scripts outlined. I just haven’t really gotten to the point where I can write them. Mainly because the program I have to write them with isn’t loaded onto my computer yet and I can’t figure out a way to get the older version of this program that I paid for. It’s actually very annoying that companies can do this type of thing, upgrade their program and then make it impossible to load up the old copy.

But I think I really should get going on the scripts. I won’t be submitting them at all. Maybe I’ll put them online, probably not really. I’ll just have them and because I’m often very impressed with my own work, I’ll just keep them to myself.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I’m debating what I’m going to do. Tomorrow is a day that in my world is typically not recognized. The girls are going with their dad for the day, and he’s invited me to go to lunch with them. I’ll probably go because why not. It seems that maybe for the first time in 6 years that he’s remembered Mother’s Day. But then I have to come home and clean the house. And grocery shop in the morning. And I forgot to do the laundry today so I have to try to get that done as well.

I should technically start going back to church. Frankly it’s just plain laziness for not going. Before it was something I did because I had to leave the house anyhow. But now I like to go to the store early before the crowds, because I hate crowds, so I often skip church. Also I went to church looking for something, I don’t know, a connection to people I guess, and still found the same old stuff. You have the core group, the really good Christians who make everyone else feel inadequate and then everyone else is just there, doing their own thing. I’ve never been good at connecting with people, and I sure didn’t seem to be able to connect with anyone. And sure I should go to church because it’s how Kaylee learns about God and it never hurts to listen to a sermon. But a large point was to find a community and I don’t see that happening there.

So I have to burn DVD’s for the softball team. That’s fine, no biggie, except to burn them at the quality I want, it takes nearly an hour to burn a disc. No idea how I could speed up this process. So I’ll have to try to burn one disc per day or something.

High Horses

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One thing you’ll learn on any sort of message board that revolves around children and parenting is that there are a lot of people who are up on really high horses. LOL! No seriously it’s actually kind of disgusting. I’m actually amazed that we as parents have not all have had our kids taken away. It’s amazing how many people state to call CPS or call something abuse or neglect that clearly are not so. It seems that as parents we aren’t even allowed to make mistakes at all. And I find that concept interesting because those who state to not make mistakes probably make a crap ton of them. I imagine all the judgement and high horsery is more about guilt than it is about judgement.

The Observant Neighbor

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Today I went down to the vending machines in the cafeteria and that requires you to walk by a lot of desks and I was doing my usual, being nosey, being observant, and noticed a lot of people without much if anything at their desk. No pictures, no personal items, nothing. Now a lot of these people I walked by are contractors so maybe that’s why but I’ve noticed this of full-time employees as well.

I personally have slathered my desk with personal items. My kids dominate the desk but I have some Dale Jr. stuff and Person of Interest stuff as well. It’s like having a bit of home here at work. Gives you something interesting to look at too when you get tired of looking at the computer screen.

It’s funny though, for those who do personalize their desks and have items from home you can tell they are planning to leave when suddenly their desk is lacking in these items.

I do think I do have a bit too much up but you know what, it’s my desk and it’s not bothering anyone, and it makes me enjoy dragging my butt here so that’s what I’m going to do!

 

No really I’m here!

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It’s been a really long time since I last posted. I don’t know, I don’t have much to write about really. But I think I might make an effort to write once a day, even if it’s nothing interesting, because I can. I might even just merge my two blogs into one, so that I have stuff over here. I do spend a lot of time talking to people about Person of Interest so I might as well talk here too.

So Kaylee got MRSA on her lip. It went away fast so that’s good but damn MRSA is annoying. Plus she’s a pain when trying to drain the sores. But luckily it only needed one time of being drained and went away. So although she has MRSA we’ve been lucky with it. Guess after months of no sickness we were due in for something.

We went to Disneyland for the kids birthdays and well it was hell. It was hot and rides were closed. The kids enjoyed it so that’s all that counts.

Saw Ironman 3. I love Tony Stark. Can’t wait for Star Trek though.

Person of Interest has it’s season finale tomorrow which is depressing. Guess I’ll just watch the reruns.

Otherwise that’s about it. Nothing spectacular going on.

Do you remember?

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Because I don’t. I was going to write about something, probably something depressing, but I had a whole post in my head. Problem is I typically have these posts in my head right as I’m falling asleep. I always say, “I’ll write it up in the morning.” Like I have that kind of time. So it never gets done.

I probably should post more but I have to say since the divorce and also getting a job and then just everyday life, I’ve had to censor myself far more than I like. I really wish I could use this blog as I once did. As a way to write out what was going on with me without the fear of pissing someone off. I technically could of course. Because no one says you have to publish what you write, but for me, it’s not about writing it out, because it’s all in my head whether I put it in words or not, it’s about expressing it, you know getting it out.

You know when you’re a child you wish you could grow up to get out from all those horrible rules you were subject to. You know chores and what not. Then you become a adult and all you wish for is a time when you didn’t have to care. Where you didn’t have to work so hard to get so little. You know it’s hard to do your best daily and see little to no return for your effort. I guess it’s standard for business in general, but I imagine it’s standard in general for parenting. I know my kids love me and are happy to be with me so that doesn’t bother me so much. It’s my job, that one bothers me.

We drove by the old house yesterday. They’ve ruined it. Not to say it doesn’t look nice. It’s kind of ugly on the outside but oddly enough beautiful on the inside. But it’s obviously not the place where I grew up. Funny enough my grandparents old home has not changed at all. The entire neighborhood is still the same. But the neighborhood I grew up in, well I’d not even venture there unless I absolutely had to. We just happened to be in the area and went to check it out.

I think I’m due in for a vacation. Sadly I really can’t ever take one beyond one day or things get out of control at work. We head to Disneyland next week. Hopefully that goes well. Then in two weeks Kaylee has an appointment at UCLA again. Probably spend hours there to be told she’s doing well and that we aren’t going to do any tests to try to figure out if her medication is okay.

I’m tired of what seems like complacency by the doctors who treat Kaylee. She’s supposed to grow out of this disorder but how the hell are we supposed to know that if no one ever does the tests that are necessary to measure that? I want some proactive things to happen. My kid has been on the same dosage of medication for over 2 years and she’s gained weight and height and needed no correction in the dosage. That’s a good thing. But could it mean we can come down on it as well?

Annabelle is a little cutie who amazes me. Her speech is getting better and she’s communicating very well. It’s always amazing to see what a youngin can do. You know when they learn something new and start doing things that are normal but it’s still amazing to see.

That being said, Kaylee is one hell of a speller. Thank God she didn’t get my inability to spell. I don’t know if she’s a visual learner and is memorizing what a word looks like or she can just tell by how it sounds but she routinely gets 100% plus bonus points on her spelling tests. She’s a great reader as well. I do know that once I got glasses and got hooked on Star Trek books my spelling improved greatly.

So I had this dream and it involved something weird. I mean it was weird. We were at like some local business center. You know the kind of business that’s located in an insanely large high rise and has a Starbucks in the lobby because it’s that big. I was there with a guy and we were working on something. Researching stuff because we had a ton of papers and books around. Then it was time to go and the cars weren’t normal meaning you didn’t really drive them. I had a hard time with my weird car but after all was said and done we got the car stopped and for some odd reason the guy I was with gave me a hug. Now who knows what the dream was about but what I remember from the dream is mostly the fun time we were having doing our research and then the hug. I’ve had dreams like that, where they end with a hug, then you wake up sort of happy but then really depressed because it was a good dream and you haven’t had a hug like that in like forever.

But I wonder about those dreams. They happen once or twice a year and I’m not sure what spurs them to happen.

Tomorrow Kaylee gets an award for something at school. I’ll be going to take pictures since she has no idea. Which means I’m going to work from home. I’m thinking I’ll probably complete my production tomorrow. Hopefully. If not I’ll only have a few left to do on Wednesday.

I got Sims3 last week. Built a library for John and Harold. Then I decided John and Harold would like to live in a normal place so I’m building them a house. Because that my friends is what I do with my free time.

What a day..

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When these incidents happen I really try to grasp what is going on in someone’s head to do this.

But even then coming up with what may motivate never brings understanding of why a person or persons would resort to violence to make a point.

But I think this kind of thinking may be more common than we would like to believe its just that most probably have the ability to see how wrong it is to act.

But you can feel and hear and see the hate in some people. If things aren’t going their way or people don’t think exactly like them. People can become quite hostile and mean.

I think religious or not we have to live by the belief that you treat others how you would like to be treated no matter how much you dislike or like someone. We have to strive to be better people.

Anyhow I hope they catch the person who did this and hope justice prevails.